Golf Attire - Do's and Don'ts

With apologies to my high school English teachers, I have always had a mantra I apply to golf above all others; “If you can't play good, at least look good.”

Lest you get bogged down in thinking I am concerned with the appearance of fluid swings or strong poses, allow me to dispel your misconceptions; we're talking fashion sense and the importance of appearing as though you not only belong on the finest golf courses in America, but that you also have the pride in yourself that carries you gallantly from hole to hole.

Oh sure, I know, I know; I'm completely overstating the importance of your golf wardrobe. Think again. Great manly men from Frank Sinatra to Michael Jordan to Tiger Woods have all known that appearance matters and there's nothing effeminate about caring about how you look. As my mother taught me, “if you look good, you feel good.”

No one is suggesting that you wear a three piece suit to the golf course or that you go out and spend thousands of dollars at the Nike store on an entirely new golf wardrobe. Whether you own two pairs of golf shoes or 82 pair, you can, with a minimal amount of effort, not make a complete jackass out of yourself when you step out of your car this Saturday morning for your weekly round with your buddies. In fact, I am not even demanding that you apply my extraordinarily high standards to yourself at the outset; perhaps you could start slowly by simply not embarrassing your friends and yourself and work your way up to being the guy that everyone sees and says “wow, he looks sharp.” (This, of course, is uttered silently so as not to break any guy-codes of masculinity).

Forgive my chauvinistic tone, if you will. While it may be stereotypical, it is also true that women generally have a stronger fashion sense than most men. I see very few ladies on the golf course looking as though Herb Tarleck picked out their golf attire. If, however, you're a lady who was blessed with golf genes and denied the DNA that makes you the second coming of Donna Karan, my rules and tips still apply to you.

Match Colors:
I can't believe I even have to mention this, but after last week I must. To the man I saw Sunday morning wearing black pants, a blue shirt, a green vest and an orange hat I say this: Quit the game of golf and pursue your natural hobby of impersonating foreign country flags.

Match Brands:
Don't even think about writing me and telling me that I am over-thinking this. If you hit Taylor Made Clubs and Titleist balls, then you can't have a Ping golf bag and wear a Callaway hat and Nike shoes and have any credibility at all.

Extremities Matter:
Your hat and your shoes bring the whole outfit together. If your shoes are white with red stripes, then there better be red and white in your outfit and your hat should be all red or all white.

Never wear a pair of shorts with white socks and black shoes: Do I really need to expound on this?

Show Some Class:
I don't care how many professional golfers are currently enamored with mock-collared shirts, it still isn't right. If every professional golfer jumped off of a bridge, would you follow that trend to? Wear a collared shirt and for the love of all that is holy leave everything that is denim at home.

Buy Yourself a White Belt:
Picture this; it's a hot summer day and to stay cool you're wearing a white shirt, khaki shorts, a white hat, white shoes and white socks. Your belt, however, is a standard black belt. Nice job, you look like the Karate Kid.

If You Go Loud, Go All The Way:
Don't misunderstand my rules to in any way imply that creativity combined with loud colors have no place on the golf course. Quite the opposite; nowhere else on Earth can you get away with obnoxious fashion statements more than a golf course. If you're going to do it, though, really commit to it. Wearing a hot pink shirt with shoes, pants and a hat that are black is not impressive. Instead, wear plaid pants that have a pink stripe somewhere, add in a pink shirt, pink hat and white shoes with pink socks. Now that's a statement. Oh, by the way, I just remembered one more rule for the men; don't ever wear pink.

Rob Williams is the owner and host of the Rob, Arnie and Dawn morning talk radio show heard each weekday morning 5-10A.M. on Sacramento's 98.5FM KRXQ, Reno's 104.5FM, KDOT, and www.robarnieanddawn.com. To reach Rob, e-mail rad@robarnieanddawn.com